In Focus

We're Going To Be Eighty and Single

I got an email from my friend Ann yesterday. She said that she was so excited to see me at our book signing in St. Paul. Then she asked if I minded sharing the spotlight with her? Huh? What was she talking about? First of all, NO, I don't want to share the spotlight, but secondly, WHY on earth would I have to?

She went on and on about how she was going to win the Powerball lottery. She knew she was going to win because the machine automatically picked four and seventeen. See, she bought the thing on April 17th (4/17). I mean, doesn't it just make sense? All the fingers point to a billion dollars to me. I concurred with her that she was probably going to win the million and that yes, I would gladly share the spotlight with her if she bought a book for everyone at the book signing. She agreed, and we hung up.

Ummmm, Ann? Ann Marie... you didn't win. Now what are ya gonna do? Thank God she's buying a Chicks Laying Nest Eggs book tomorrow. I can set her straight. She has to stop putting her financial future into the hands of a 7-Eleven machine. I know she isn't really putting her future into the hands of the 7-Eleven machine, but I'm still trying to figure out if she really believes she is going to win, and if she doesn't, what's her back-up plan for the future? Why is it so important for Ann to become a Chick, and why is it so important for a woman to invest in the market?

Sophie Tucker said it best...
From birth to age 18, a girl needs good parents.
From 18 to 35, she needs good looks.
From 35 to 55, she needs a good personality.
From 55 on, she needs good cash.

Ann's been lucky up to the "good personality" stage, but if she doesn't get a move on, she's gonna be outta luck when she needs some cash.

I absolutely hate statistics, so I'm not going to even list all the numbers and percentages I have sitting in front of me to include in this article. I'm just going to give it to you straight. Women outlive men. It's a well-known fact. But, not only do we out live them, we keep on living. And living. It's not as if we just live a couple of months longer and then we go join our beloved in heaven. We live years longer. Tons of older women end up living with their adult children, and tons more end up living alone. Not only do they live alone, they live in crappy places because they can't afford the kind that Elizabeth Taylor gets to stay in.

Combine the fact that women live longer with the unfortunate truth that we've made less cash than men during our life, and we might be wishing we could head to the afterlife and join Sophie. These statistics show that we're broke and alone. To be honest, I don't like to think about the reality of it. First, it's sad and second, it can't possibly happen to me.

Well, guess what? It's going to happen to me. I'm going to be 75 years old, and alone. Then I'll hang on for another 20... alone. Oh sure, I'll have the kids, the grandkids and the great grandkids, but I'm going to be alone. But do you know what my goal is? To be alone and having fun. I'm going to be living the lifestyle I want to live, not the one that I am forced to live. Seriously, take a second and think about it. Where will you be when you're alone and 80? Are you going to make your kids take care of you? Is that really fair? I'll bet they'll love you for that. Are you going to let the state take care of you? How comfortable would that be? Or, are you going to start right now, today, and get your financial future in order?

Sit up straight, wipe your eyes, and let's get to it. It's not that hard.

The first thing that I recommend you do is buy the book. I'm not just saying this because I want to sell you the book. I am saying it because I want to be hanging out with you in some posh retirement home playing bridge, having cocktails, and inviting my grandkids over to meet us for a gourmet dinner (that was made by the in-house five-star chef and delivered to my apartment). The book is just the beginning to opening your eyes to what you could really be putting away for your future

Next, I recommend that you sit down with your husband and talk about your investments. What do you have already? What does he have with his work, or in his 401k plan? Is your name on everything? Are you on the house, the cars, and the insurance policies? Do you have your wills in order?

And last but most fun, you need to go out with your girlfriends and discuss this with them. Are they in the same boat you are? What are they doing about it? Or would they be interested in starting a club with you so you could all learn how to invest together? Save this step for last, as you will have already read a book and had a deep conversation with your husband... you're going to need a break.

Being alone, clueless and broke is just about the scariest thing a woman will have to face. I bought lottery tickets for years, and I'd still be doing it if someone didn't stop and ask me what my back-up plan was. I'm so glad Ann is going to have a back-up plan, 'cuz we're going to have so much fun at that retirement home sipping cocktails, playing cards, and talking about how smart we were when we younger and had those really good personalities.