On Riverside Drive

Karin, 'Left Eye Lopes,' and the Oakland Junior High Graduation Dance

The accompanying photo to this week's column doesn't really have anything to do with the article, but it was the best I could come up with in order to snag the front page of the Valley Life section. It's an ongoing battle between Ken Wisniewski and me over this front page spot. It's tough to compete with his golf course shots and river scenes, and yet, I need photos that will sell papers. Keeping it local, I'm submitting the ninth graders at Oakland Junior High on their way to Andiamo Grad Dance. Bingo! Front page.

Though, I'm not stretching the photo too far, and if you read on, it'll make sense. Let me explain.

I got home from work last Monday night, after complaining all day that I must have some newly acquired allergies - my left eye couldn't stop burning and itching. I immediately went upstairs, took out my contact lenses and thought I'd give my eyes a rest. It was then, that the nightmare began…

Suddenly, there was shooting pain in my left eye, like shards of glass, grinding their way into my eyeball. I put some contact solution in my eye, figuring that might soothe the burning. Nope. It got worse and my eye started to swell up.

Being sure that I must have gotten something in my eye, like a stubborn little eyelash, I patiently waited, rubbed, rinsed with water and thought it best to close my eyes. It would work its way out in the next few hours.

Ten p.m. came and I was dying. It was a stubborn thing. What was I supposed to do? Go to the emergency room because I had a little piece of sand in my eye? I decided to tough it out and wait until the morning, as I was sure the sandman could undo this whilst I slept.

At two a.m. - I awakened to shooting pains through my eyeball. I tossed, turned, and at 6 a.m., got up and told my husband he had to help. "I think I have to go in," I said. "This glass in my eye is making its way to my brain."

He turned the light on, and suddenly everything was a blur. I fell to the ground. The light shot through my eye, into my brain, and down through my spine. I thought I was having a stroke. Either that, or labor pains of the eyeball. It was worse than labor.

I refused to go to the doctor without showering, so I made one last attempt, in the dark, on the floor of the shower, to rinse my eye. All it could do was burn, and all I could do was whimper.

We arrived at my doctor's office before the doors opened. As soon as Dr. Steve arrived, there I was, begging, "You have to help me, now! I'm dying."

"Looks like pink eye to me," he said.

Now, I'm no medical doctor, but after raising four children, I do know pink eye. This was no pink eye.

"Look again," I said. "There's glass in there!"

"Let's try one more thing," he said, as I still whimpered.

He put in some orange dye, and before I had a chance to say, "Ow!" both he and his nurse simultaneously called out, "Ew!"

"I haven't seen that before," the nurse said.

"We're going to send you over to the eye surgeon right away," Dr. Steve said.

I didn't want to ask. All I could think was that my eye was the subject of some sci-fi horror movie and there were little aliens crawling out of my pupil.

"What is it?" I asked.

"It looks like you have an ulcer on your cornea. You need to get to the surgeon right away. These can be dangerous."

So much for rinsing my eye forty-five times with the softened salt water from home.

Off I went to the surgeon, who was wonderful, except for the part where he said, "Now this might feel a little bit like someone sticking a needle in your eye…that's because I am!"

So what exactly is an ulcer on your cornea?

Unpleasant. That's all I can say. Unpleasant. It's mostly caused from extended wear contact lenses. "Don't ever ever wear your contact lenses over night. I don't care what the manufacturer says, it's not healthy, and your cornea doesn't like it."

Can't I sue someone?

Secondly, the contact lens solution I was using was recalled. It's Amo Complete, the stuff they gave me at Lenscrafters when I got my contacts. Throw it away. It's dangerous, and it causes labor pains of the eyeball.

So, after a long day of eye doctors, pain medication and a night of no sleep, the ninth grade class at Oakland Junior High showed up at our house for their grad dance pictures - which is why I'm wearing the dark sunglasses and the baseball cap. I figured you'd rather see that picture than the one of my ulcerated cornea.

By the way, we're still trying to cure it with antibiotics. It's a tough little bugger, and did I say, very unpleasant. Now if only I could get those ninth graders to stop calling me "Left Eye."

Karin Housley is a realtor in the St. Croix Valley, a Wednesday Valley Life columnist and hosts a weekly radio show every Saturday morning at 9:00 on AM 1220 KLBB - or listen live via the web at klbbradio.com. You can email her at karin@karinhousley.com or visit her website at www.karinhousley.com.