On Riverside Drive

Chocolate, Ugly Betty and football - getting over the autumnal blues

Fall is in the air. Glory day. Apple picking, pumpkin patching and watching the leaves change. What could be better than that?

About a million things, if you ask me.

I am not a big fan of these three months, and fall lovers baffle me. I hear them every once in awhile at the coffee shop, "Isn't it beautiful outside? I love this weather! I can hardly wait to put on my big wool sweater and enjoy the crispness of the air! I'm going to go home and sit in my backyard and watch the leaves on the maple tree change from bright red to burnt sienna. Can you imagine anything greater?"

"Yeah, I can," I say. "How about a margarita on the beach? Or how about sitting on the soft green lawn and having a picnic while the kids run through the sprinkler? Come to think of it, I'd even rather sit in a dentist's chair and swish fluoride around for the next three months than have to battle these fall allergies."

I know there have to be others like me, though it's a bit abrasive if we speak our truth.

"Excuse me," I say as I reach for the creamer, "Just a heads up, but those leaves out there aren't changing colors in honor of Columbus Day; their veins have frozen. They're dying. They're going to shrivel up, fall off, and allow everyone in the tri-state area to see right into your bedroom window. Can you hand me a sugar?"

I'm a peach to be around as I continue, "Do you really enjoy tucking your plants in at night with a blanket? Do you take pleasure in spending your weekends bagging leaves? Never mind, you're right, I should delight in the spirit of the season. Silly me."

It's not that we don't like living in Minnesota, it's just that the fall is a tough transition for us. We love summer, tolerate winter, and spring has us giddy…because the summer is on its way again.

Every year I ask myself the same question, "What can I do to get through these next few of months while I watch my fun slowly die with the foliage?"

First, pretend to love football. Pick a team, any team, and become their number one fan. (Note: Steer clear of all teams purple.) Wear their quarterback's jersey around town all week, and talk about the upcoming game on Sunday. You're safe if you drop the Favre name into a conversation, well, maybe not safe, but you'll at least start a discussion and pass a few hours. That's the goal here, find things to keep us busy so we can divert our attention from the impending depression.

Become a mall walker. Better yet, learn the skyway and tunnel systems of both downtowns. Map all the Starbucks, Caribous and ATM machines. Calculate speed walking times between them and write a book about your fall travels.

Clean out the fireplace - you're going to be using it, tomorrow. If you can't find anyone to talk to about Favre, sit by the window and wait for the snow.

Eat chocolate. Lots of it. Nothing cures the fall blues better than chocolate.

Put together a photo album of your family's summer vacation. Properly mourn the loss of warm, sunny weather with more chocolate and perhaps some merlot.

Clean out your closet. Put all open toes shoes, cute little sundresses and white pants under your bed. Our skin bearing are over again. Test out your credit card number memorization skills by shopping on eBay for winter coats, the only thing people will see you in for the next nine months. While you're at it, buy a bunch of sweaters that make you look like you've gained fifteen pounds.

Gain 15 pounds.

Make caramel apples with the kids. Then, carve pumpkins, (bake and burn the seeds.) Who needs beach parties, water parks or county fairs when you now have time to make a leaf booklet with wax paper and crayons?

Rejoice in Halloween. Celebrate in costume. Have an apple dunking party, pin the tail on the ghost and goblin games, and blare spooky music from your windows. If that doesn't tickle your fancy, tour Michaels Crafts, they've already done the work for you.

Lastly, spend your fall evenings watching television. Make a standing appointment on Monday & Tuesday nights with ABC & Dancing With The Stars. Create your own scoring system. Max out your wireless bill by text messaging the network your Marie Osmond votes. She needs help. The other five evenings of the week? Watch the first full season of Ugly Betty on DVD and then try feeling sorry for yourself.

Then of course, there is one more option to filling your fall; get your own newspaper column and spread your cheery disposition weekly.
 

Karin Housley is a realtor in the St. Croix Valley, a Wednesday Valley Life columnist and hosts a weekly radio show every Saturday morning at 9:00 on AM 1220 KLBB - or listen live via the web at klbbradio.com. You can email her at karin@karinhousley.com or visit her website at www.karinhousley.com.